I’m serialising my book “The Observing I: A guide to living a more authentic life” on Substack, with a new chapter being released every Wednesday. I’m a big believer that philosophy should be available to the masses, not locked behind paywalls or hidden away in dusty archives. So I’m making my book available here.
This is Chapter 4.
Hopefully, I’ve given you a decent understanding of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and you now have some idea of where you sit on that hierarchy. The next step is understanding how this helps us to be more authentic.
Being self-aware enables us to know the roots of our motivations, and what it is that we actually want from life. It’s really easy to plod along on autopilot, thinking that you’re doing the right thing because you’re meeting your perceived criteria for success.
You may find yourself in a situation where you’ve got yourself a good degree, you’ve been working for 10 years, and you’ve established yourself as a competent expert in your chosen field. You’re making a decent income, you’re living comfortably, and you’ve got a loving family unit surrounding you.
But there’s a part of you that’s not feeling satisfied, and you’re left confused because you’ve ticked all the boxes for success. “Why am I not fulfilled?” you’ll ask yourself. “I’ve done everything right. I’ve made it. Where is this conflict coming from?”
In keeping with our theme of stories and narratives, I want to use the tale of our protagonist Sam to illustrate what this might look like. Perhaps you'll notice some similarities between Sam's story and your own.
* * *
When Sam was a child, he loved to draw. He’d spend hours in his room painting, creating, putting his imagination to paper. Every time he finished a picture he’d excitedly run to his parents and show them, and they’d meet him with praise and approval.
He was happy, expressing himself through his creativity. He drew pictures of dinosaurs with large mechanical arms. Imagined incredible ships that he could fly through the depths of space. His art gave him joy, brought him a freedom without limitations.
As Sam got older, became a teenager, and worked his way through the education system, he found he had less time to draw. He was busy with homework, studying for tests, or socialising with his friends. When he did well in the tests or homework for school, he was rewarded. When he did badly, he was chastised.
Then Sam hit University. He wanted to study art, but he knew that it wouldn’t open up the opportunities that he felt he needed to be successful. So, he chose to study Business with Computer Science instead. He had an interest in it, and he knew that it would give him a lot more avenues for work when he graduated.
To satisfy his creativity, he made sure he got some time for himself to paint. He joined a university art club and headed there once a week to draw still life and chat with people who shared his interest. It was an enriching experience for him, and he found that he was enjoying the art club and socialising with that group more than he was the degree that he was studying.
After a couple of years, armed with his degree and a good group of friends, he went out to find gainful employment. He applied for work at a creative agency, because there was a big focus on design and he would have loved to be working around that. The interview went well, and he waited for a week for feedback. Nothing came. Then another week, until he finally broke and contacted the company to ask them their thoughts.
They told him that he wasn't quite what they were looking for, and thanked him for his time. Sam felt deflated, but knew he had to keep trying, so applied for a few more jobs at other creative agencies.
He faced knock back after knock back. His confidence was waning, and he needed to find something so that he could earn money and support himself. So, he started applying for jobs that were OK, but didn’t quite fit the bill.
Eventually, after a few more emails telling him “Thanks for his time, but he’s not quite what they’re looking for”, he got a job in finance, where he started as a junior at an insurance firm. The money was good, and he got on well with the people he worked with. The job itself was interesting, but he found that he was having to do longer hours than he had hoped in order to get everything done.
The expectations were high. If he didn’t get the work finished in time, then he’d be challenged by his boss as to why it hadn’t been completed.
Every few months he had a performance review, where he sat with his manager and they discussed objectives and reviewed the previous performance period. If he met these objectives every few months, it influenced his pay rise at the end of the financial year. If he didn’t, then his boss wanted to understand why they haven’t been met, and what can be done to support him to meet them going forwards.
Sam worked hard, put in the hours, met his objectives. After 5 years, he’d worked his way up the rungs of position to a more senior role. He had a small team that he managed. He’d met someone he’d fallen in love with, could afford to move out of his studio bedroom apartment into a small house, and they moved in together.
Over those 5 years, he found that he was speaking less and less with the friends he made in art club at university, until eventually that monthly email became six monthly. Then, in time, it never happened at all.
5 more years went by. Sam became a parent, and was promoted to running his own department at work. Thanks to his promotion, and his partner doing well in their own career, they could afford to move out of the small house and into a family home.
With that promotion came extra work and responsibilities, and Sam found that he was having to put in a lot of time outside of work to ensure that his objectives were met. On top of this, he was sharing the responsibilities of child care and running the household with his working partner.
Weekday evenings were spent making dinner, finishing up reports on the laptop, and checking emails on his phone until late. On the weekends, he made sure he dedicated time to his family, and they all engaged in activities together. It was tough, trying to balance his work and life needs, but he felt that he was doing a good job of it.
He hadn’t so much as thought about painting or drawing anything since he started at the insurance firm, chalking it up as something he did in childhood, and convincing himself that it’s a pointless exercise because it doesn’t amount to anything.
At this point in his life, he felt he was successful. His career was going well, he was earning a good amount of money, he was respected amongst his peers, and he had a loving, supportive family that he, in turn, supported both emotionally and financially.
Time marched on. It was his 11th year at the insurance firm. One morning, he was called in to a meeting with his new boss and informed that there would be some “changes in the business” and that his position, along with many others, was going to be up for review. In a month’s time, they’ll let him know whether or not he’s going to be made redundant.
The month that followed was one of stress and anxiety for Sam. With the economic climate the way that it was, he was concerned about how difficult it would be to find another job. This led to worries about his ability to financially support his family and afford the house that they were living in. He started putting together his résumé, something he hadn’t had to do for years, just in case the worst happened.
At the end of the month, Sam was called in to his boss’s office and given the news that he will be made redundant, effective immediately. They gave him a severance package, told him that any personal items on his desk will be forwarded on to him, and security escorted him out of the building.
Sam was shell-shocked. The foundation of his world had been pulled out from under him. He was doing everything right. He was meeting his targets, he was getting praise in his performance reviews, and he was respected by his team and colleagues.
In the weeks that followed, his sense of self-worth was in tatters. Depression gripped him, and he struggled to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. He applied for jobs, and received either no response, or he’d have the odd interview and be told that he didn’t fit the bill.
Each rejection quietly broke what little self-confidence he had left. He thought it was pointless applying for anything, and was lost as to what he should do.
One day, his partner came home with a pack of canvases, paints, brushes, and an artist’s easel. They set it up in the garden, brought him downstairs, and told him that perhaps he should try painting again, as he always seemed to enjoy it. That it might make him feel better about what’s going on in his life right now.
In the garden, he sat in front of the canvas, staring at its emptiness, and wondering what the point of this is. This was something he did as a child. It isn’t relevant any more. He’s probably lost all of the skills he had over time now, anyway.
Then, the next day, he sat outside again in the late morning, and noticed a particularly large, bright red flower that had bloomed that day. Something stirred inside of him. He began to apply brush strokes of vibrant paint to the canvas.
He lost his sense of time, focusing on the moment, engaged in the flow. Before he realised it, his child was home from school, and he’d created something that he was deeply proud of. Sam felt fulfilled, but it was a different sort of fulfilment than he experienced when he was working in the office. It was deeper, more complex, and left a lasting satisfaction. He’d expressed his creativity, and spent time meeting his own needs.
Each morning, he got up and painted for two hours before focusing his efforts on looking for work. With his passion reignited., he viewed his search for work through a different lens. Recognising the importance of engaging with his passions, he no longer applied for work in finance. Instead, Sam was looking for work in creative agencies again.
With his skills and experience and passion for art, he was able to land himself a position as a project manager in the design team of a small digital company. It wasn't the hands-on creative work that he had wanted when he was younger, but it surrounded him and meant he was able to engage with something that he was passionate about.
Sam still paints out in the garden when the weather is good. His home is covered in his canvases.
The book is available to buy from Amazon as a paperback or an e-book, if you want to add it to your book shelf.